Landed

I had just gotten off the bus.
A hundred dollars in my pocket.
Nothing left
But the clothes on my back
And the hope in my heart
Fluttering and sad,
Dying with the morning light.

I landed on your doorstep.
"What are you doing here?'
"I don't know."

And here begins my story:

I met you five years ago
On a dark winter's eve.
It was three days after the new year
And the first day
Of life as I knew it.

You looked plain then.
Nothing special.
Nothing
Out of the ordinary.

We became friends
Had talks over tea
And perused over old films
Discussed disco and diplomacy
Forgoed conclusions.

I liked the way you moved
Steady and quiet
And you liked the way I was kind
Like a home you suddenly remembered.
We laughed while looking away
Too hard to breathe
Too easy to stare
Too perfect to let go...
But I did let you go

It wasn't until you were gone
Out of my life
That I realized your eyes burned
With soft fire
And my eyes were rimmed
With starlight.

Your arms encircled me
To hug me goodbye
My feet stayed rooted
To keep from running away.

I don't want to say goodbye
I don't want to say goodbye.
So I didn't.
I let you leave
And DIDN'T
Watch you go.

And now I'm here.

"I'm here to say goodbye, I guess.
I didn't get to say it
The first time around."

I said goodbye
When what I meant to say was
I love the way your eyes
Move over a photograph
Steady and searching
For glints of starlight
Only you can see.
I love the way you walk
Deliberate and sure
But never earth-shattering.
I love the way you cook
And knead dough
Mash potatoes
Feed the cat.

I love...

I can't say it.
I won't.

"Goodbye to you, too," you say.
We stand in the doorway
Starlight in our eyes
And soft fire emanating
In its coals.

Goodbye means hello
And I miss you
And how are you
And...

"Would you like to come in?"
"Yes. Yes, I would."
"Then come in. We'll have tea
And discuss why
You came three thousand miles
Just to tell me goodbye."

The tea had never tasted so fine.